Effective communication is the key component to developing and maintaining healthy professional and personal relationships. Clinicians who counsel children and their families can benefit from learning and practicing communication techniques that foster and improve the quality of these relationships. Appropriate use of language increases self-esteem in young clients and motivates them to learn. It also assists in engaging children's cooperation, defuses power struggles, and teaches conflict resolution skills. By using such communication and conversational skills, SLPs become more confident and manage their intervention and counseling sessions with a broader and mutually respectful dialogue.
Children with communication disorders have a greater risk for developing behavioral problems and experiencing frustration and anger, and may have more difficulties in socio-emotional development, such as recognizing emotions in themselves and others (Meyer & Prizant, 1993). Meyer & Prizant have also shown that caregivers/parents of children with communication disorders may experience significant stress. An important role of speech-language pathologists (SLPs) is to relay information to families on how to communicate better with their children. Parents should be encouraged to participate in the remediation process (McLeod & Watts-Pappas, 2009; Meyer & Prizant).
Children learn best when they have a positive emotional attachment to the SLP or educator and are in an environment where they feel safe and comfortable (Luterman, 2008; McLeod & Watts-Pappas, 2009; Rogers, 1961). This article will discuss ways SLPs can use empathy to manage children's negative feelings to ensure positive outcomes. Strategies that will help SLPs and parents accept and manage children's negative feelings will be discussed.
Accepting Children's Feelings
Adults often view children's problems as silly or inconsequential. A lost crayon, a missed turn on the swing at recess, or a tug on a ponytail can make a typical child angry, hurt, or even cause a tantrum. Adults often feel that children's negative reactions to typical, everyday situations are out of proportion. It is important for adults to remember that children are individuals, their problems are valid, and their reactions are real and result from their natural, raw emotions.
Adults do not generally accept children's feelings, often dismissing and denying them as immature and unreasonable. Some examples of denying children's feelings are:
Child: "I can't read this"
Adult: "Yes you can. You just need to try harder."
Child: "This crayon is mine. I don't want to share."
Adult: "Why can't you share? There are no more blue crayons. You need to share; you can't always get what you want."
Child: "He made googly eyes at me."
Adult: "Ignore him and he will stop."
Clinicians, teachers, and parents admit they naturally respond to children as the adult in the example did. They often forget to treat children as individuals with valid thoughts and feelings.
There is a direct connection between how children behave and how they feel. When kids feel right, they will behave right. Adults can help them "feel right" by accepting their feelings. Denial of or dismissal of feelings can cause some of the following behaviors:
- Immediate grounds for conflict and power struggles.
- Anger and frustration for the child.
- A feeling of being uncomfortable in confiding in you.
Faber & Mazlish (1996), Gordon (2000), and Luterman (2008) indicate that other types of responses are also common:
- a philosophical response
- offer of advice
- question asking
- defense of the situation
- diversion from the topic
To illustrate these types of responses, read the following scenario and analyze how each response type feels.
